Early this year I entered a poetry competition at work. I am no writer and certainly not a poet but I gave it a shot anyway. I figured that I probably had a small chance of winning because I was competing against my colleagues, how many software engineers wrote poetry anyway? I didn't win. But I wouldn't settle for it. They had only announced the winners, I wrote to the people who organized it to publish the winning poems so that everyone could appreciate it. Real reason was I wanted proof that the winning poems were indeed better than mine. They never responded. I then wrote to the winner congratulating him and asked him if I could read his work. He didn't respond either. I gave up after that but I concluded that there was something fishy. The winner knew the organizer perhaps. Or maybe he his work was not original and he had fooled the judges.
Yesterday we (we were a team of 2) lost at a coding challenge at work. I wont go into the details of how I think it was unfair and how we deserved to win. That will defeat the purpose of this post. What really happened was we ran out of luck, my partner thinks it was because God was angry with her. After the contest I called a friend who on hearing the news said girls cant code anyway. I wanted to murder him. Today my manager tells me he was expecting us win. It hurts. As you might have guessed by now I am not good at this losing thing. In this case what also mattered was who I lost to. Last month I lost a promotion to the same guy who won y'day. If he wasn't a good friend I would have hated him. It is not validation that I need, I know exactly where I stand. But I guess I was using this contest as forum to prove myself and it hurts because I failed at that. This might just be a silly contest but thinking about how I have reacted to all major setbacks in my life, I do exactly the same thing. I cry foul, I sulk and I mope and then I spring back to normal. I don't have a problem about the sulking and moping but I guess the crying foul has to stop. I might be wise and responsible but I still have some growing up to do. And I need to put a leash on my ego before it goes out of hand. That or I need to win more often ;)